Applied to four residential property management jobs, for some reason I am sure I will get one.  I don't know why I feel this way.  I also often feel sure I will win the lottery, so.  Let us just see if I get a call back.

Thinking I should be doing pre birth exercises, breathing and perhaps some sort of meditation.  Four months to go. I am looking at a DVD here on the table, yoga prenatal.  I should start as my back often hurts now with a small 1.4 pound baby, this will only get worse.

I would like to move before the baby is born to place with a more accessible tub.  The tub here is gross and the door is a mold trap.

Christmas is sad

Christmas is sad alone in SoCal miles from a family I cannot afford to visit.  Christmas will be sadder when I have the baby because then I will wish for a family even more.  With a baby, we won't ever be able to fly home, not to NewEngland, not to Europe to visit Husbands family.
Christmas trees are $40 now.  We have no money to buy ornaments, and no space to store them, and no desire to move ornaments when the rent goes up and we have to move a year or two.
I see that the "Christmas" that I knew as a child was  luxury for the families of the past.  As renters in SoCal on a budget, Christmas is just another day to feel alone.

Still pregnant

I am still pregnant.  I am now half cooked.
Pregnancy is getting better, week 21 as compared to week 8.  I suspect week 38 will be about as bad as week 12, but I really doubt it.  The event of birth will be nothing compared to month long agony of failed digestion. I regret that I am already forgetting the experience of week 8 which should remain fresh in my mind forever.  I never did write about the placental separation that left me on the couch for over a month, depressed.  And in the end, all this crap for a girl child.  And it is not over yet, I need to see the perinatalogist to look at a white spot on the heart of the baby (if she makes it) we will name Cora.

I don't like to use the name yet, because she could still fail.  She could miscarry tomorrow.  No one has chickens before they hatch.
The white spot could be down-syndrome, though all other tests were negative.  I will likely need an amnio.

What else would I like to remember...
The 3 people, 7 steaks, two eaten dinner.
The bike stolen.
Jason Roos paid me $800 for the car damage.  Cha-ching.
The summer was so hot, I will never complain about cold again.  Unless I am truly freezing.
Obama was relected.
The Dems have a super majority in CA, which means taxes will go up.
CA citizens voted to raise the sales tax.  It will move to 9%.
It looks like the payroll tax cut will expire, raising taxes 2%.
We still cannot afford a house.
Watching Battlestar Galactica.
Joel bought a new camera.
My phone only works on speaker.
Dad never made me the wooden thingies.
I threw away most of my plants.  I was depressed during early pregnancy.
Joel and I fail at the budget.  We spend almost $4,000 a month.
But, we are not going out any more.  We did eat a Rubio's, because he had two coupons.  We do love the salsa there.
I am making my own yogurt.

I was feeling inspired to say something earlier, that is gone.

Food prices

I just finished my pregnant gal's dinner feast of $3.00 a pound farmers market heirloom tomato, japanese cucumber at $2.00 a pound topped with certified California olive oil and a dash of salt.  I also ate two small pieces of whole wheat organic bread with a slice of havarti melted on top.  The havarti is husbands, not organic.  As I drizzled olive oil on the exposed toast I thought, "This olive oil is so good." and I recalled the trip mum and I took and the wonderful olive oil store where I bought a gallon of it at tremendous cost.  I am "lucky" I don't have to worry about how much my food costs.  I live in a minority filled ghetto in SoCal, mexican music always blaring in cars that cruise, and an el camino across the ally that smells so bad on start up I have to run to close my windows lest the fumes infect my house, but my fridge is full of expensive organic greens, grass fed meats, and raw cheeses from europe.  If we lived in a more tony location, we would be poor.  (ok, not poor, but we wouldn't be able to save half of our income, which we need to do as 1,200 square foot houses cost $450,000 in a rough area of Pasadena.  With the baby, earning $120k just is not enough.)  I digress, I was thinking about rising food prices due to the drought and I thought, "I don't care".  My food is not made of corn or soy, two items I do not eat.  My organic meats (chicken and pork) and grass fed beef are not fed corn or soy, as almost no corn or soy grown in the US is organic.  Even my eggs are the ultra snotty free range chicken eggs, the chickens peck in wild fields eating grass seed and bugs! The yokes are bright orange.  If "chicken" suddenly costs $3 a pound, I don't care.  I already pay twice that.  If hamburgers are no longer $1, I don't care, I don't eat that.  I do wonder if the price of my food will increase along with the common food, since it can... or is the price of the food more based on the cost of production and the demand for organic foods?  The poor families around me  won't pay $6 a pound for chicken that was $2, they will eat less $4 chicken - they won't say, "hey, since the mutant chicken and the heritage breed pasture raised chicken are only separated by $3, let's get the fancy chicken"  no they won't say that.  They will eat less $4 chicken, or less of some processed corn product, whatever.  But, my grass fed beef could be affected, based on the amount of grass available for my tony cows.  Well, I guess I will pay more.  That is ok, we cancelled Cable.

abandoned blogs horror of pregnancy

I have many blogs that I abandoned.  The first had a great name, but  I invited people I know to read it.  What a mistake and what possessed me to do that?  The second blog was abandoned because I connected it to my email account.  I fear google plus sending a notice to the people in my inbox that I have a blog, the horror.

Some of the posts are funny though, and I want to cut and paste them here.  I can, I will, I have time.  I don't work much and am in general an unbusy person.  If I don't move all the blog posts, it is because I am lazy, which is possible.

This account is just for junk, no one knows I use it, and I can write this  public, secret, electronic diary to myself without fear of discovery.

Today I want to talk about being pregnant.  I am you see and I regret it.  Probably right now, the worst decision of my life.  Mothers make a pact, they swear never to tell undivided maidens, like me, what it is really like being pregnant, for if they did no maiden would ever bear another child.  I have never felt worse in my life.  My digestive system has shut down.  I went four days with out shitting.  I spent a whole day in pain so amorphous and never ending, I wept in agony and despair.  I just sat on the couch and balled and wept in pain and in anticipation of days of pain that would never end.  I cannot digest food, and it is giving me bovine style gas, which is trapped inside me, making all movements uncomfortable.  I am belching uncontrollably and out of proportion of what I am eating.  My back hurts.  I have a headache.  I am tired, very tired.  I sleep 12 hours a day.  I wake up and feel like I was run over in the middle of the night.  Now I am hungry.  Since eating is not producing shit, I have cut my calories to about 800 a day.  Yes, bad I know.  But not as bad as indigestion that causes me to weep.  I have to pee 100 times a day, and I wake up repeatedly at night.  When I pee, I pray for blood and a miscarriage.  Awful, I know.  But this is just week seven.  Seven.  It is not going to get better.  Everything smells bad, I am nauseated  by everything, but I never throw up.  All this suffering and I bet it is a girl.  A girl, who will have to go through all this horror one day.  I will tell her, I will tell her not to do it.

I am having my tubes tied after this.  $150 co-pay.  Should be money well spent.